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Love Abortion and Why I Blocked You On Facebook



In our current technological society there are few truly sacred ideas that spread across generations and into the minds of each subset of humanity that calls the internet home.

One of those ideas is the taboo against blocking people. For some reason it has become a badge of honor passed around by frustrated word warriors all across our humble series of tubes.

“I may not agree with you, but I would never block those I disagree with” an imposing balding man intones thrusting a finger skyward.
“I would never block someone over politics” Says another nodding in fierce agreement.
(thanks to all the Chick tracs my parents had me hand out as a child, my imagination paints these people as badly drawn comics)

We’ve all seen the memes passed around, or heard a friend tell us in shame that they “finally” had to block someone. I understand in some small part this taboo is about keeping discourse open and being willing to listen, and while that is a noble idea I think if we are honest a larger part of this taboo is that it gives the appearance of moral high ground. And that can become a serious problem. Like most other social ills, this was born of the best intentions but now works to keep the powerful in power, and to harm those already vulnerable.

So why talk about this now?

I'm talking about this now because a xenophobic, homophobic, racist, rapist demagogue has ascended to power by attacking women and minorities.
I'm talking about this now because I have already heard cries of “reconciliation” from the black shrouded pulpit beaters.
I’m talking about this now because in the coming weeks and even years you will hear from those who have collaborated and colluded with a regime based on hatred, intolerance, and prejudice that “we have lost moral high ground, by shutting them out of our lives”.
I am talking about this now because the cries of “It’s time to listen and not speak” have already arisen unbidden from the megahorned throat of the hegemonic heteronormative cis white monster that has put its offspring into power.
And I must, like Daniel, speak of the many horned beast that comes from the sea.

But first I must speak of a little horn.

There is no greater person in a woman’s life than her mother. She is the person you look to, the person you emulate, the voice of wisdom, encouragement, and love.
At least, that is as it should be.

I have discussed elsewhere that I no longer have a relationship with my mother.
In fact I have everywhere possible, blocked her from contacting me.
Her emails deleted before reaching my inbox, her phone calls blocked, her letters, if there were any, would make a short trip from mailbox to the trash unopened.
You may judge this unnecessary, but my therapist tells me it’s one of the reasons I am psychologically healthy.
I did this of my own will.
I did it because I had to.
I aborted my relationship with my mother.  
It was one of the single hardest decisions I ever made.
We are both healthier for it.

You see when two people enter into a relationship something happens. They create a third entity. A relational construct. As real as any idea or thing that exists in what we term the “real” world.
I lay here typing in my bed a few feet from the man I will marry. I can feel him there. I love him. But there is also a relational reality that exists between the two of us. A construct, ours is one of love. A mutual, gratifying, delightfully silly and satisfying love. It exists as a part of who we are now. It would not exist apart from us, and is something we must constantly tend too and make room for as it grows. Our love is a space unto itself now, and will continue to grow and change and morph as our relational space does.

If this all sounds odd or out of place in a christian theology blog. I assure you it isn’t. This is the very doctrine of the trinity.

The relationship between matter and that which is immaterial, the space between the Christ; incarnate and knowable, and the Father: formless and unknowable, this is what we term the Holy Spirit. The Spirit is the personhood, the construct, the form of this perfect relationship between Father and Son. The spirit is a part of the Father and the Son but it is also something unique and different, it lives in the space between, it gives life and shapes the structure of their love. It would not exist without them the same as the love I have for my Fiance would not exist without both of us. This does not make it less real.

It affects us, moves us, give our lives meaning. Truly it might be the most real thing in any of our lives.

These relational constructs exists between all the people we form relationships with. Sometimes its barely there. Sometimes it’s something formed over years, sometimes mere days. But if we are honest with ourselves, it becomes very easy to realize that even though it is terribly hard to do, sometimes we must abort. Sometimes, when things get to be so very bad, when the relationship stops giving, and begins to drain, to poison, to kill, we must let it die, and if it lingers, we have to kill it. Because if its killing you, its surely killing your relational opposite as well. This is mercy.

Every relationship requires different amounts of deliberation, but we all have a breaking point.

And lately, a lot of people have reached that point simultaneously. We reached it when we realized that the relational space between us and many of those around us was not what we wanted to believe it was. We were told that who we were was not wanted, we were attacked and those we thought we could trust helped guide the dagger.

A beast has come from the sea. It has many horns.

Let me in this moment be very clear. Our lives have been denigrated, our spirits demeaned, our love mocked and our friends and neighbors readied for slaughter.

It is not time to reconcile with the beast.

Let the relationships that fell, remain fallen. If you pick them back up they will always be twisted by the betrayal. It is not your responsibility nor even within your power to create a relationship with someone who does not want a healthy relationship with you.

This does not mean hate those who spitefully use you. It does not mean hate your enemies.

It means that any love you show them must be a project of your own, and it must be when you have time to heal, otherwise that space will still follow the old scars.

I have learned this lesson in painful, heartbreaking detail.

Form relationships of healing. Form alliances to conquer the beast. Welcome those who realize that they have sinned against us. And call others into this space.

And learn to use the block feature.

It’s the merciful thing to do.

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